Klaatu Barada Nikto

Aspiring shrink, all-around geek, and low-level minion sharing anything I find clever, amusing, profound, compelling, or otherwise worth a look. But mostly the first two.


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Reblogged from bogleech

10followedfelagund:

therobotmonster:

moniquill:

siderealsandman:

friendlytroll:

astrakiseki:

prokopetz:

mikhailvladimirovich:

bogleech:

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

  • Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
  • Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
  • We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
  • Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? 

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

  • We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food. 
  • We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin. 
  • We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live. 
  • We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
  • We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground. 
  • Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places. 
  • We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
  • We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them. 
  • On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!

On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow. 

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it. 

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel. 

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?” 

1) Humans can eat plants and other animals. (And even fungi.) On colonized planets, they have often been able to consume native organisms.

2) They often prepare these food-substances by exposing them to open flame. A typical human habitation will intentionally contain sources of fire.

3) The human species has biological variations known as ‘sexes’. These ‘sexes’ allow the species to create new variations of DNA with the creation of every new individual. As a result, the human species evolves at an incredible speed.

4) Human larvae are contained within the bodies of one of their parent individuals until they are able to breathe the atmosphere on their own. These parent individuals are often well-defended, and are dangerously capable of self-defense. Therefore, when attempting to counter a human infestation, be aware that there will be no human eggs or nesting-places to target.

5) Individuals capable of developing larvae in their bodies will experience severe bleeding, up to 13 times per space-year, as part of their biological preparation for this act. This does not appear to seriously harm them.

6) Humans do not experience hibernation. Instead, they undergo brief periods of unconsciousness as part of their daily cycle. Although individuals have a tendency to synchronize these periods, in most habitations there will be fully-aware humans at all parts of the daily and seasonal cycles.

7) In addition, unconscious individuals can become aware and ready to counter-attack in a matter of seconds, when alerted by sound, light, or vibration. If they are under stress, humans may forgo their periods of daily unconsciousness for up to 48 hours. The use of chemical stimulants is often voluntarily used for this practice.

8) Human populations can expand at a rate of up to 250% per generation, even without influx from immigrant populations. Large habitations can be comprised of up to 10 million individuals. 

9) Humans can exist in a wide variety of environments, including a wide range of atmospheric pressures, humidities, gravities, and temperatures (sub-freezing temperatures do not discourage habitation). They are also highly adaptable to environmental changes.

10) Nonetheless, human societal practices are so destructive that they caused their own planet to be largely uninhabitable to them.

11) A human infestation will inevitably cause environmental damage to a planet, first rendering it uninhabitable to its native species, and then to the humans themselves.

12) When this process is complete, they will seek out new worlds to colonize.

13) THEY ARE COMING.

(via moniquill)

Reblogged from markruffalo
markruffalo:

Detroit Water and Sewerage Department put a halt to the 15-day water shut off that left thousands of families without water! SUCCESS! But the fight isn’t over. 

Our friends from Windsor stand with us in declaring water a human right. They are bringing water across the border to support Detroiters, who have had their water shut off.Meet at the Spirit of Detroit statue in front of the Coleman A. Young Center at Woodward and Jefferson at 4pm. Rally with Detroit People’s Water Board & the Council of Canadians. Speakers include international water activist, Maude Barlow, and the director of Michigan Welfare Rights Organization, Maureen Taylor.After the convoy arrives at the Spirit of Detroit, join the caravan as water is delivered to the People’s Water Station at St. Peter’s Church.
Click here for more details.

markruffalo:

Detroit Water and Sewerage Department put a halt to the 15-day water shut off that left thousands of families without water! SUCCESS! But the fight isn’t over. 

Our friends from Windsor stand with us in declaring water a human right. They are bringing water across the border to support Detroiters, who have had their water shut off.

Meet at the Spirit of Detroit statue in front of the Coleman A. Young Center at Woodward and Jefferson at 4pm. 

Rally with Detroit People’s Water Board & the Council of Canadians. Speakers include international water activist, Maude Barlow, and the director of Michigan Welfare Rights Organization, Maureen Taylor.

After the convoy arrives at the Spirit of Detroit, join the caravan as water is delivered to the People’s Water Station at St. Peter’s Church.

Click here for more details.

Reblogged from theacheofmodernism
punwitch:

rayvenloaf:

missmonstermel:

robotsandfrippary:

dollsahoy:

mythosidhe:

erstwhilegirl:

natellite:

ladyofthelog:

clawfoottub:

theacheofmodernism:

GUYS I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

That is so adorable.

TOO SOON

lole

oh no

*CACKLES*  Should we tell them?  Or just be indulgent and let the fantasy live on…?

Oh, this is just…sad.  So, so many kinds of…sad.

I’m DYING.
And I miss the tartan skirts too. 

You know how some people try to replicate past eras, wearing the fashion, collecting the old technology, etc? I just picture this one collecting mint condition Delia’s catalogs and “vintage” Snapple bottles and beepers.. ugh, the 90’s.

Um.Uuummmmm…UUUUUUUHHMMMMMMMMMM….And now I am become truly old

Oh my god the 90s have become classic someone put me in a glass box in the smithsonian fml

ohhh…. Do I laugh or cry now?

punwitch:

rayvenloaf:

missmonstermel:

robotsandfrippary:

dollsahoy:

mythosidhe:

erstwhilegirl:

natellite:

ladyofthelog:

clawfoottub:

theacheofmodernism:

GUYS I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

That is so adorable.

TOO SOON

lole

oh no

*CACKLES*  Should we tell them?  Or just be indulgent and let the fantasy live on…?

Oh, this is just…sad.  So, so many kinds of…sad.

I’m DYING.

And I miss the tartan skirts too. 

You know how some people try to replicate past eras, wearing the fashion, collecting the old technology, etc? I just picture this one collecting mint condition Delia’s catalogs and “vintage” Snapple bottles and beepers..
ugh, the 90’s.

Um.
Uuummmmm…
UUUUUUUHHMMMMMMMMMM….
And now I am become truly old

Oh my god the 90s have become classic someone put me in a glass box in the smithsonian fml

ohhh…. Do I laugh or cry now?

(via theblacksunrising)

Reblogged from mental-health-advice

Anonymous said: What are the signs of emotional abuse?

seekingwillow:

rifa:

mental-health-advice:

Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

Love, Salem

important read for everyone

___

It means something when your response to this list is - “So… parenting.” Cause you’ve got someone (adult authority figure in your life) in mind.

Reblogged from hikergirl
dynastylnoire:

hikergirl:

Here is the link to the City Lab article and the link to the actual website, Turn On Detroit’s Water.
h/t to amomenttothink for retweeting this.

boooooooooooooooooost

dynastylnoire:

hikergirl:

Here is the link to the City Lab article and the link to the actual website, Turn On Detroit’s Water.

h/t to amomenttothink for retweeting this.

boooooooooooooooooost

(via moniquill)

Reblogged from teen-stuff-at-the-library
brownroundboi:

so-treu:

dudeimjarell:

thewritershelpers:

uberwench:

skokielibrary:

teen-stuff-at-the-library:

A Great Guide on How to Cite Social Media Using Both MLA and APA styles 

You’ll probably find this useful at some point.

Man, where was this chart when I was in library school?

Reblogging because EVERYONE (ESPECIALLY COLLEGE STUDENTS) needs this in their life. -H

ha

CITE ME AND OTHER TUMBLR USERS IF YOU USE US IN YOUR SCHOOL/ACADEMIA SHIT
I’M SO FORREAL
CITE. US.

Cite people in the margins! Trans, POC, immigrant, sick and disabled, women, youth, queer, black, indigenous, two- spirit, gender non-conforming, poor—- Nothing we say can or should be borrowed or stolen. We are resources & references to our lives & global praxis! Respect this.

brownroundboi:

so-treu:

dudeimjarell:

thewritershelpers:

uberwench:

skokielibrary:

teen-stuff-at-the-library:

A Great Guide on How to Cite Social Media Using Both MLA and APA styles

You’ll probably find this useful at some point.

Man, where was this chart when I was in library school?

Reblogging because EVERYONE (ESPECIALLY COLLEGE STUDENTS) needs this in their life. -H

ha

CITE ME AND OTHER TUMBLR USERS IF YOU USE US IN YOUR SCHOOL/ACADEMIA SHIT

I’M SO FORREAL

CITE. US.

Cite people in the margins! Trans, POC, immigrant, sick and disabled, women, youth, queer, black, indigenous, two- spirit, gender non-conforming, poor—- Nothing we say can or should be borrowed or stolen. We are resources & references to our lives & global praxis! Respect this.

(via thisiswhiteprivilege)

Reblogged from dreemmachine
Reblogged from everybodysgotadarkside97
Marry someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life. My mum  (via sexual-feelings)

(Source: everybodysgotadarkside97, via illegaltits)

Reblogged from misspiggy385
misspiggy385:

BIOWARE WANTS YOU!To help make the next Mass Effect Game
Hey, you like Mass Effect right? Of course you do. Because the Mass Effect games are fucking awesome.BioWare is looking for us fans to answer a few questions and they seriously want know what we think. Head over to SurveyMonkey now and help BioWare make the best Mass Effect game ever.
(X) (X) SOURCES

misspiggy385:

BIOWARE WANTS YOU!
To help make the next Mass Effect Game

Hey, you like Mass Effect right? Of course you do. Because the Mass Effect games are fucking awesome.

BioWare is looking for us fans to answer a few questions and they seriously want know what we think. Head over to SurveyMonkey now and help BioWare make the best Mass Effect game ever.

(X) (X) SOURCES

(via theblacksunrising)

Reblogged from placesbetween
k-b-rock:

placesbetween:

Looks like the people who are working on Constantine are choosing to ignore the fact that he is bisexual. Officially boycotting this show. Having a lead who is canonically bisexual and making him straight is not only frustrating, but downright offensive in a world where bi-erasure is the norm. 

According to this article, Cerone feels Constantine’s sexuality isn’t historically a “crucial aspect of the character” and that it’s not especially important to acknowledge him as bisexual because “nearly all of the character’s relationships in the comics have been with women,” so…gross.

k-b-rock:

placesbetween:

Looks like the people who are working on Constantine are choosing to ignore the fact that he is bisexual. Officially boycotting this show. Having a lead who is canonically bisexual and making him straight is not only frustrating, but downright offensive in a world where bi-erasure is the norm. 

According to this article, Cerone feels Constantine’s sexuality isn’t historically a “crucial aspect of the character” and that it’s not especially important to acknowledge him as bisexual because “nearly all of the character’s relationships in the comics have been with women,” so…gross.

(via beachgnome)